Hon Jarrod Bleije MP
Attorney-General and Minister for Justice
GPO Box 149
Brisbane QLD 4001
Dear Attorney
I write on behalf of a constituent, Mr Harold Davidson, aka The Knee Fairy, aka Berserker Bob, aka Skullarago.
I declare, for your interest, my past presidency of the Queensland Law Society and trust that the unpleasantness of your articled clerk hazing is behind us. I’m told that acetone, a readily available chemical compound, will remove items super-glued to one’s body. Hamsters, I assure you, make loyal pets once detached from one’s nipples. They are also tasty, toasted.
I digress.
My constituent, Mr Davidson, is an upstanding Ippy business owner.
For many years, he and his jolly band of chums have inked Ippy serfs with flaming skulls and anatomically amplified - at least to my experience - women wielding machine guns. Mr Davidson also operates a debt recovery service with efficient and understandable violence. To be quite honest, he has single-handedly kept the nail-through-plank industry viable in Ippy.
Recently I was Mr Davidson’s guest as he and his chums took a two-wheeled jaunt through the Lockyer Valley to attend a series of business meetings. Don’t these modern motorised velocipedes really zoom! My magnificent ivory mane was in a right flap!
After Mr Davidson delivered his cleaning powder to his enthusiastic local sales consultants, we imbibed a refreshing tipple at Satan’s Anus, one of the area’s historical public houses. We even squeezed in a spot of billiards.
I regret to inform that Mr Davidson has been inadvertently snagged by your anti-motorcycle ruffian laws. He currently sits, forlorn and faultless, in the Brisbane Watchhouse.
I support your legislation. You’ll recall I drafted and championed the Marauding Mimes and Miscellaneous Marcel Marceau Act of 1903 when an infestation of the painted pests fleeing the Boer War meant that decent, fully-audible chaps couldn’t walk the streets without colliding with bloody imaginary glass-boxes.
However, I am quite confident of Mr Davidson’s innocence and seek your swift intervention to secure his release. He has left a stockpile of his cleaning chemicals at Berry Manor and I’m concerned the hunting dogs might get into it.
Yours sincerely
Fake Ian Berry MP
