MEDIA RELEASE
Fake Ian Berry MP has supported a call for the reintroduction of corporal punishment of children made by the Member for Ipswich West, Sean Choat.
Mr Choat brought kiddie whacking to national attention at a recent community forum in Lord Berry’s electorate that Lord Berry didn’t attend.
‘Someone told me afterwards’, Lord Berry said.
‘I was at the club, sipping a tall tumbler of Old Raj, when Chester, lovely chap, wandered up after boules and asked if I’d heard about Choaty. Has he
taken another tumble from his scooter, I asked. We chortled for a bit, and then Chester said no, Choaty had called for more kiddie whacking!’
Lord Berry said that although he was deeply impressed by Mr Choat’s clarion call, he felt it hadn’t gone far enough.
Today he announced the formation of a squadron of hooded horse-mounted sheriffs to patrol Ippy, ready to dispense punishment to naughty children.
‘Sometimes the old ideas are the best ideas’, Lord Berry said.
Lord Berry said the Sheriffs would work in conjunction with the Safe City cameras to provide an immediate whip-based solution to the socially unacceptable
behaviour of those too young to vote.
‘They’ll patrol shopping centres and roam menacingly outside schools, playgrounds and Wiggles concerts’, Lord Berry said.
‘Let’s see if Little Johnny thinks it’s funny to make flatulence noises in class when a stonking black horse and masked Sheriff crash through the door!’
Lord Berry said he understood that many of Ippy’s hardened criminal children would require stronger sanction.
Lord Berry said that after discussions with Ipswich City Council, the Queensland Police and Woolworths, he had agreed to re-open the sausage making
facility at Berry Manor.
‘We put our first batch of ‘Toddler-Screaming-At-Checkout’ bratwurst through on Sunday’.
‘Anyone who rejects the sensible measures outlined in ‘Sheriffs and Sausages’ is clearly a politically correct apologist’, Lord Berry said.
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